We make our way through life developing dreams, setting and attaining goals……deciding major moves for ourselves, for those whom we love, blood related or in-laws, siblings, children, all types of people of importance and significance to us and those who rely on our decision-making abilities. Others do such for us, as well. We give and we take. Most of us, at least. There are those who take. I tend to associate with those once.
We all want to be taken care of, as we all want to take care of someone. Although you may not admit it, it IS true. What would you want if those duties were finally fulfilled and you no longer had to plan for anyone but yourself, as if your list had been all crossed off? All boxes checked?
But, what does that really mean? What do you want out of it? What do you hope to get out of ‘it?’ ‘It.’ Another position. What is ‘it?’ Is ‘it’ a thing, a feeling, a global awareness, heaven, no more responsibilities? What is ‘it?’
I have often wondered, “What is it I want?” Yada, yada, yada. We all want something. I want something that makes me feel like sitting down and watching the rest go by. Something that makes me feel like I can finally watch and never have to be referee again. Never have to wait for answers again. Something that makes me feel complete without feeling like it’s time to “check out.” That feeling I get when “Comfortably Numb” finally screams to a halt and fades into “The Show Must Go On.” I love that feeling, but I don’t want to have to wait for the radio to give it to me, or me to have to jam that tired disc into my dashboard AGAIN. You can’t get it before it is ready to be yours. You can’t. So, what do you want?
You can ask your friends, neighbors (yeah, right), friends neighbors, neighbors friends, oh come on, give it a break. You know what you want, but those days are long gone. So now that they are gone, what’s left? What do you do now?
You know you have that feeling. That feeling that something is ‘coming.’ An event? A new idea? A new love? What is ‘it?’ We’re all waiting for something.
But you don’t know what you want. Do you? I have a feeling about what I want, but I can’t write it down or define it. Maybe, mainly, because I don’t know what ‘it’ is. When I can label or define ‘it,’ I’ll know what I want.
I want respect from my father before he passes on. That’s about all that’s on my list. That and to have inspired someone to play music. Those two things. Yeah, those two.
Well, what do you want?