I need to say something. A few of my friends know of what I speak.
Recently, a relationship I had with a person I have known my entire life fell apart completely. There is nothing left of it, and believe me, I have tried my hardest to be ‘the one.’ There is, however, something I did get out of it. All is not lost.
I try to see the good in everything around me. That does not make me a naive person, that makes me a person who appreciates what he has.
This relationship, which is now no longer a worry for me or a part of my life, has been in decline for more than half of my life. In all of those years, I held hope for the best resolution, but it did not end such. I had always done my best to do the right thing. To be nice, to be agreeable, to be respectful to that person. That is my nature. Many other of my family members have told me that is the one thing about me that I have always held on to over the years. Granted, I have a hard edge, but I have come up against many people in my life whom, when applying a soft touch to, only perpetuates their attempts and endeavors to take advantage of me. I will not allow myself to be used by those people any longer to achieve that end.
I have learned that if there appears to be a warning that you will not be able to apply your best efforts to remedy a situation, cut your losses as soon as possible. This allows you to move on sooner, it allows you to help others sooner, it allows you to better utilize your energy for what is good for others and yourself and it will give you great piece of mind. There may always be a lingering “What if I had done this? What if I had done that. What if?” Undoubtedly, but move on. This is not a horse race or football game to be post-evaluated. It is over. You can not go back and employ “What ifs?” It can not be done.
Listen, cut your losses. You will end up with fewer regrets, less anger and confusion, and best of all, you will shorten the amount of time it takes for you to show to those who care for you that you have chosen a safer and healthier path. The one who looks to you for help and acceptance. Don’t waste your time. Move on, be productive.
Regardless of the stature of that questionable person in your life, when they are stripped of all titles such as friend, neighbor, brother, sister, mother, father, cousin, niece, nephew, boss, husband, wife, they are just a person. They remain a person to whom you may have mistakenly given elevated access and privileges to. If all of the selfishness, hate, prejudice, anger, etc. remains after those titles are removed, the outlook for resolution is very, very bleak. Let it go. Indeed, if you have confided in others, seeking advice, and they have told you to let it go, they are wondering why it is taking you so long, they are wondering why you allow yourself to be abused, most of all, they worry for your well being. They care for you more than the person you question. At least, I think so. I may be wrong. If they refuse to help or offer help, they may also need to be discarded.
If there is an issue with you and another person who is important to you and you care for and it appears that it will never get better, move on. If it appears that they will never know what they mean to you or that they just don’t care or want to bother with it, dump it and get busy putting your energy into something more constructive and beneficial for all. Don’t waste away in denial like I have been doing for 40 years. There is something better you could be putting energy into. If you do not dump it and move on, you are carrying a sign that says, “Sure, you can damage me and I won’t stop you.” It isn’t easy to let go, certainly if you care about that person, but nurturing them in order to allow them to damage you just isn’t what healthy relationships are made of. Doing so only strengthens there attacks by you thinking they are actually going to change. You are dropping your guard one tiny bit at a time.
Don’t be mistaken though. There is baggage that needs to be analyzed and understood before it can be classified as useless baggage.
I have also watched a close friend carry baggage for their entire life, then tell me I should let go of my issues. They offer very little constructive advice. We’ll always be “just friends.”
Thanks for looking,