Claiming that you won’t, or don’t need to change, says more about what you aren’t bringing to the table than how much you will help the process.
When I was an explorer, new on the planet earth, I wanted to know everything. I was like a cat with a shiny bead.
I couldn’t stay out of things.
I took everything apart, even before I knew what a screwdriver was.
I never had an exit or follow up plan.
Most things, usually my toys, were taken apart, then lived in pieces under my bed, never to live in sunlight again.
My tool kit was comprised of anything I could remove a screw with.
Steak knife with a cloth to protect my fingers.
Yeah, not elaborate at all.
I always wanted to see the parts that made a thing work.
Preferably as they were inside of the thing, but I was aware that was not possible.
So, take it apart.
Here’s the back story.
My father used to take me to bars and get the owner to let me in, never drinking alcohol. But we would sit with his friends, The Blue Line was one of these places in Seattle, no longer standing at 2nd Ave. and Denny Way, and as we were sitting, laughing and joking, I was the butt of his jokes. Hurtful jokes. He would make fun of me, my clothes, my haircut, bring up any music I liked, just a terrible experience, but he would do this again and again and I never stood up for myself. He stomped on anything that represented me in any way. I just couldn’t be mean back to him.
I know that my father was extremely racist. A trait that is taught, handed down to offspring. “N****r” easily slipped from his lips regardless of the present company. He was a very hateful atheist. It showed normally in any discussion that slightly hinted on religion or spirituality.
When I was a young boy, ten years old or so, my father once said to me,
“I don’t make the rules.
You make the rules.
I just enforce them when you make them.
You can’t police yourself.”
If there is an issue with you and another person who is important to you and it appears that it will never get better, move on.
If it appears that they will never know what they mean to you or that they just don’t care or want to bother with it, dump it and get busy putting your energy into something more constructive and beneficial for all.
Don’t waste away in denial like I have been doing for 40 years.
There is something better you could be putting your energy into.
If do not dump it and move on, you are carrying a sign that says, “Sure, you can damage me and I won’t stop you.”
It isn’t easy to let go, certainly if you care about that person, but nurturing them in order to allow them to damage you just isn’t what healthy relationships are made of.
In dedication to my long time friend.
May he find happiness in the fields of dog heaven.
There are times in our lives when we know that there is someone in our lives with whom we could be so much closer to, in heart, in spirit, in love, but more than anything, in life, but we are limited by their choice to be distant. There are times when we just want to tell them, “This is not about who is right or wrong, it’s about dropping your wall and not only letting someone in, but also about you reaching out.” All of it. Of course, we all need space, but there are times when we can not bear to be alone.
Losing your cell phone.
That will stop our lovely planet from spinning. It may even interrupt our orbit of the sun, causing this planet we live on to fall into the sun. Bring some 12,000 SPF lotion.
Yeah, that’s one thing that could do it.
Listen to me. If you have issues with your family that you can’t seem to resolve, let them go. They are in the past. If you can’t make peace, then you may have held on to the battlements for too long and there in no way back over them to your camp. You are stuck where you don’t want to be and the only resolution will be when someone passes on. That is no way to see a resolution. That is a game that was lost by both parties. Don’t let that happen. Smile and wave, move on, but don’t walk away.
Forgiving is a state of mind, apology is a conversation.
Which do you think is more powerful?
According to the people who has answered me on this, apologies seem to make you look weak or take your ‘power’ away. I disagree. I think it makes one look very strong. Very trustworthy.
In my life, I have played many auditions where I didn’t get the gig because I couldn’t adjust the throne to make the kit accessible. Many where the bass pedal was on its last audition. Kits that had heads on them and the screws that go into the lugs holding the heads had bottomed out in the lugs and the skins were still too loose. Cymbals that were cracked and had small holes drilled in the end of the crack to keep them from spreading.
When I was just a boy, I pretty much lived alone, in and with a family of two brothers and my mother. I was a smart kid, but on my … Continue reading
I respect everyone and their points of view, but that doesn’t mean their store has what I want to buy.
Respect for others must precede you in all endeavors if you intend to make any changes for yourself, your friends, your family, and most importantly, for those you do not know or have never met.