When I was an explorer, new on the planet earth, I wanted to know everything. I was like a cat with a shiny bead.
I couldn’t stay out of things.
I took everything apart, even before I knew what a screwdriver was.
I never had an exit or follow up plan.
Most things, usually my toys, were taken apart, then lived in pieces under my bed, never to live in sunlight again.
My tool kit was comprised of anything I could remove a screw with.
Steak knife with a cloth to protect my fingers.
Yeah, not elaborate at all.
I always wanted to see the parts that made a thing work.
Preferably as they were inside of the thing, but I was aware that that was not possible.
So, take it apart.
Here’s the back story.
My father used to take me to bars and get the owner to let me in, never drinking alcohol. But we would sit with his friends, The Blue Line was one of these places in Seattle, no longer standing at 2nd Ave. and Denny Way, and as we were sitting, laughing and joking, I was the butt of his jokes. Hurtful jokes. He would make fun of me, my clothes, my haircut, bring up any music I liked, just a terrible experience, but he would do this again and again and I never stood up for myself. He stomped on anything that represented me in any way. I just couldn’t be mean back to him.
I know that my father was extremely racist. A trait that is taught, handed down to offspring. “N****r” easily slipped from his lips regardless of the present company. He was a very hateful atheist. It showed normally in any discussion that slightly hinted on religion or spirituality.
Listen, if you have children, be a part of their lives. Be in the middle of their lives. Even if it irritates them, be in their lives. In the end, they won’t have memories like I do, and they won’t wish that they had more memories like I wish I had. Be a part of your children’s lives. BE THERE!
When I was a young boy, ten years old or so, my father once said to me,
“I don’t make the rules.
You make the rules.
I just enforce them when you make them.
You can’t police yourself.”
If there is an issue with you and another person who is important to you and it appears that it will never get better, move on.
If it appears that they will never know what they mean to you or that they just don’t care or want to bother with it, dump it and get busy putting your energy into something more constructive and beneficial for all.
Don’t waste away in denial like I have been doing for 40 years.
There is something better you could be putting your energy into.
If do not dump it and move on, you are carrying a sign that says, “Sure, you can damage me and I won’t stop you.” It isn’t easy to let go, certainly if you care about that person, but nurturing them in order to allow them to damage you just isn’t what healthy relationships are made of.
When I was a kid, I wanted to know, “Where did I come from? Where did all of this stuff come from?” Science and astronomy immediately revealed that they would be where I would most likely find an answer to this question. They did provide an answer, eventually.
When you look around at other people, whether it be on the internet, at the train station, in your home with friends, at the grocery store, at the gun shop, the voting place, actually anywhere one or more people congregate, there are people wearing glasses. Even if they are not physical glasses or contact lenses, people look through a tint they prefer. For everyone, whether they know it or agree, that tinted lens is the way they interpret other people’s ideas and attitudes. The philosophical, spiritual, sociological, democratic, republican, liberal, conservative, depressed, enlightened, non-thinking, arrogant, accepting lens they prefer to see everything through, every minute of every day they breathe air. Every minute, every second.
Yes, we all know someone that has an “I” problem. No matter what they say to you, it starts with “I.” They’ve done everything you’ve done, twice, longer, better and with more important people than you.
In dedication to my long time friend.
May he find happiness in the fields of dog heaven.
There are times in our lives when we know someone with whom we could be so much closer, in heart, in spirit, in love, but more than anything, in life. There are times when we just want to tell them, “This is not about who is right or wrong, it’s about dropping your wall and not only letting someone in, but also about you reaching out.” All of it. Of course, we all need space, but there are times when we can not bear to be alone.
Losing your cell phone.
That will stop our lovely planet from spinning. It may even interrupt our orbit of the sun, causing this planet we live on to fall into the sun. Bring some 12,000 SPF lotion.
Yeah, that’s one thing that could do it.
What you do in private, eventually effects others publicly. It may happen in ten minutes because you wanted it to, or it may take 50 years because you have hidden it. It may go to the grave with you, but it will affect others, now or later. It is inevitable. What you do now will affect others later. Say it to yourself. “What I do now will affect others later.”
Baggage is a part of life. Emotional, political, marital, familial, all forms. That which you store in a closet is not always physical. As a matter of fact the baggage you can’t see, that is being stored, stacks up and becomes stagnant much more readily than what you just got home from Wisconsin with. Much more readily and will, most likely, be a much bigger pile and need a huge closet.
Just letting go of family members because they refuse to give me answers seems quite counter productive. I know that we all have ‘skeletons in our closets,’ and with what I am doing with my attempt to get answers to my questions, undoubtedly, I am rattling those ‘skeletons,’
When homelessness looked at me and said, “I hope you’re ready for this, because there is no other resolution to what is about to happen,” I hated it, but it was a decision I had to make.
Well, in Part 1, I covered recreation. Seriously? Recreation? There is very little recreation. You are actually working at being homeless 24/7. Again, it isn’t easy. You wait in lines, you walk, you ride the bus, you eat lots of cold cut sandwiches, you wait in line, you ride the bus, I’m sorry, I’m getting repetitive.
The only good that can come from negativity is that it can inspire people to produce writings, art, emotions that expose it’s non ability to do any good for any reason other than to inspire change for good. If you use negativity to create good or knowledge from, you have defeated it. Using negativity to destroy negativity is the only good thing that can come from it. Don’t allow it to breed.
I looked behind me through the cyclone link fence. My three dogs, Jaco, Milo and Elvis were standing there looking at me.
“The only real change seems to come from those who choose to disprove that real change can’t happen.”
If you have a friend, and you consider that friend a good enough friend that you follow what they do and hope to do things with them, don’t pressure them. If they are your friend, you don’t need to question that friendship. You just need to be a friend. If you are my friend, do what you like to do. Don’t worry about what I think of what you do. Hell, I’m your friend.
Forgiving is a state of mind, apology is a conversation.
Which do you think is more powerful?
According to the people who has answered me on this, apologies seem to make you look weak or take your ‘power’ away. I disagree. I think it makes one look very strong. Very trustworthy.
“How often have I said to you that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth?” Regardless of how much I want to get a resolution to this, I have to refuse to go further with this cause. Some questions don’t get answered, some questions don’t need to be answered. Some questions never are heard. Either way, it is no longer important to me.
When we lose a friend or a loved one, family or not, we most often dedicate a bit of our life to making sure we never forget that person, or in some cases, that thing. This is commendable, although, not always an honorable thing to do. At least I feel that way.
Please don’t force those who have issues you do not understand. You will seem like a bully.
I have been a drummer my entire life. I was born with the talent. What ever you end up doing involving the arts, I figure, you’re born with. Musician, artist, actor, actress, etc. Given, I had to develop it, but it came ‘naturally.’ I never have had to try to play music.
In my life, I have played many auditions where I didn’t get the gig because I couldn’t adjust the throne to make the kit accessible. Many where the bass pedal was on its last audition. Kits that had heads on them and the screws that go into the lugs holding the heads had bottomed out in the lugs and the skins were still too loose. Cymbals that were cracked and had small holes drilled in the end of the crack to keep them from spreading.
My interest in music has always been a bit weird. I’m not fond of noisy music, but extremely fusion oriented music catches my attention. Emerson, Lake and Palmer, John McLaughlin, two artists that immediately come to my mind. Weird stuff like Aorta, King Crimson, Vanilla Fudge also were in the mix. I have never been fond of ‘girlfriend’ songs. I just don’t see a reason to whine about a failed relationship in a tune one writes. Maybe years down the road after you’ve become “The Next Big Thing,” but in the beginning, it seems to me, addressing issues that many identify with aside from their personal and private life and activities is the wise move.
This is my final entry concerning family issues. This is the end of my whining, it is also the last of my baggage. It has taken a full year and 12 days to sort this out. There’s just no more. Man, I am so thankful. I will relate that I know I have become a better person through writing these accounts without fear of retribution from anyone. If there is anyone who has a beef with me over these accounts, or otherwise, grow a pair and approach me. I am more willing to listen than you probably are to talk.
Do you hope to be beneficial to someone? Do you intend to be the best you can be? Do you want to be a better spouse, parent, aunt, uncle, any family member?
Well, what do you want?
This is one of those “Seriously?” subjects. “Internet Romance? Do those really lead to successful marriages?” Even though this is a somewhat leading question, it really is valid.
Don’t accept what others have set up for you, or follow what you “feel is right,” without questioning everything. If people you look up to are failures in some part of their lives, following their lead will give you the results they accepted. Do better. Think for yourself. Realize what is right and leave the failing recipe behind. Do not allow destructive people or patterns to be a part of your life, regardless of your feelings. Ever.
If this entry bites you in the ass, you may need to re-think your family association. You HAVE been warned.
When I was just a boy, I pretty much lived alone, in and with a family of two brothers and my mother. I was a smart kid, but on my own level, in my own world, on my own planet. My family and their adult friends always used to say, “He’s such a smart boy.” I […]
Respect for others must precede you in all endeavors if you intend to make any changes for yourself, your friends, your family, and most importantly, for those you do not know or have never met.
If your child is being bullied and you think your child is just weak, you are bullying by not acting. If you are complacent to a victim of bullying, you are a bully.
I think I was barely four years old when I discovered a machine. I could put thin black discs with a hole in the center on a platform that spun. You could touch it and interrupt its function. There was a black arm, with a small sharp pin at the end, that could reach the black disc. There was a switch that you could push which started everything moving. Move the black arm to the black disc and set it down. A wondrous and beautiful sound came from this thing.
Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 This account of my life is in no way intended to insult, berate or denigrate anyone at all. It is an attempt by me to tell a story, to possibly resolve issues in my own life and lend a bit of inspiration to others who may have similar issues […]
Part 1 Part 3 Part 4 This account of my life is in no way intended to insult, berate or denigrate anyone at all. It is an attempt by me to tell a story, to possibly resolve issues in my own life and lend a bit of inspiration to others who may have similar issues […]
Part 1 Part 2 Part 4 This account of my life is in no way intended to insult, berate or denigrate anyone at all. It is an attempt by me to tell a story, to possibly resolve issues in my own life and lend a bit of inspiration to others who may have similar issues […]
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 This account of my life is in no way intended to insult, berate or denigrate anyone at all. It is an attempt by me to tell a story, to possibly resolve issues in my own life and lend a bit of inspiration to others who may have similar issues […]
First of all, this story is not intended to denigrate or berate anyone, least of all, any of my family members. It is also not intended to elicit any sympathy for what I have been through. It is a way for me to, figuratively, put on paper an intention to understand the mechanisms in my […]
Think about what you intend to say, while you have the opportunity. Once those words leave your mouth, the vote is cast.
A lot of things have happened through my life that will never see the surface of a piece of paper, things that certainly will never fall on another person’s ear. Things that are in no way constructive to anyone in any way. I will never reveal those events. Things that I will carry to the grave. Many things that were painful to endure and many that just do not need to be told. Some of the people who were involved in those activities no longer walk this earth, some do. Those whom still walk this earth will never witness an attempt by me to connect with them. They have left their mark and need to fade into the darkness.
Many people are convinced that people never change, I find that to be a very narrow outlook. I know people DO change, and in my I life have seen it happen many, many times.